Did you Ever Know that You're My HERO: Why Subway Sucks
Heros, Subs, Grinders, Cheesesteaks, Italians, Hoagies - wherever in America you are from and whatever you call them, I think we can all admit that this Americana delicacy is absolutely delicious.
For years I have been a lover of deli. I've thought many times of even opening my own sub/sandwich shop. Whether I would dub it "The New Deli" or the legal sandwich shop "The Subpita" the shop would undoubtedly be a success. In the DC-Metro area I can tell you about the best sub shops around. Canon can attest to the fact that I can take you to a place for a good cheesesteak if that is what you like or a sandwich that will make you say - "this thing is f'ing stacked."
All of this is a round about way of saying, quite simply, that my love of deli meats takes second chair to no one. NO ONE!!! I may not be a participant in the annual Sammie award, but I should be part of that too. That is my next endeavor. Win over the Manning family first to get on the blog and then next be invited to the Sammie awards and dominate that too. After that, I'm onto the Academy Award game.
But I digress!
Back to the main point. I'd like to take this opportunity - my second post ever on this blog - to take down subway and that bastard Jared.
Admittedly, I do like Subway's tuna subs. But, have you all ever tried their ham? turkey? or roast beef? I bet if you were blindfolded, you couldn't taste the difference between the three. Because all three meats taste the same, I have started a protest here in the DC Metro area. Whenever I go to Subway, I don't even talk about ham, turkey, or roast beef. I simply refer to them as "pink;" "white" and "brown." I encourage you all to do the same. I'm convinced that they are actually all the same meat - just colored differently.
"Madam - I would like a pink on wheat with lettuce, mayo, and onion."
Madam - the brown looks delicious today. I'd like that hot please with regular white"
Will you join me in this protest?
Now, as for Jared - give me a break. If all you ate was pink white or brown you'd lose weight too. I mean, the shit sucks. It makes you lose your appetite.
Thanks for endulging me.
For years I have been a lover of deli. I've thought many times of even opening my own sub/sandwich shop. Whether I would dub it "The New Deli" or the legal sandwich shop "The Subpita" the shop would undoubtedly be a success. In the DC-Metro area I can tell you about the best sub shops around. Canon can attest to the fact that I can take you to a place for a good cheesesteak if that is what you like or a sandwich that will make you say - "this thing is f'ing stacked."
All of this is a round about way of saying, quite simply, that my love of deli meats takes second chair to no one. NO ONE!!! I may not be a participant in the annual Sammie award, but I should be part of that too. That is my next endeavor. Win over the Manning family first to get on the blog and then next be invited to the Sammie awards and dominate that too. After that, I'm onto the Academy Award game.
But I digress!
Back to the main point. I'd like to take this opportunity - my second post ever on this blog - to take down subway and that bastard Jared.
Admittedly, I do like Subway's tuna subs. But, have you all ever tried their ham? turkey? or roast beef? I bet if you were blindfolded, you couldn't taste the difference between the three. Because all three meats taste the same, I have started a protest here in the DC Metro area. Whenever I go to Subway, I don't even talk about ham, turkey, or roast beef. I simply refer to them as "pink;" "white" and "brown." I encourage you all to do the same. I'm convinced that they are actually all the same meat - just colored differently.
"Madam - I would like a pink on wheat with lettuce, mayo, and onion."
Madam - the brown looks delicious today. I'd like that hot please with regular white"
Will you join me in this protest?
Now, as for Jared - give me a break. If all you ate was pink white or brown you'd lose weight too. I mean, the shit sucks. It makes you lose your appetite.
Thanks for endulging me.
1 Comments:
Finally, Yanni and I can agree on something.
I consider Subway to be a meal of last resort. If I'm in the middle of the country on a thousand mile drive, I will purchase vittles at Subway rather than at McDonald's. I do think I could tell the difference between the 'roast beef' and the white and pink meets however. The brown meat has a texture that kind of resembles something that might have once been part of a cow. The white and pink meats however bear no traces of any indication that they once were connected to animals of any sort. The last meal I had at Subway consisted of their Buffalo chicken sub. It was acceptable; if only because it's not that hard to make a decent Buffalo sauce.
Now that is out of the way, I wish that I had known Yanni was such a fount of knowledge when it comes to sandwhiches. I cannot claim similar expertise but, I do consider myself to be somewhat of a connoisseur of the genre.
The best sandwhiches I ate in DC in my limited time there were undoubtedly had at Jetties in Foxhall Village; about three blocks from my apartment.
Here in Houston, there are some truly great sandwhich shops. I cannot say how they compare to the delis of NYC but, I have eaten very well at a number of them here in Hot-town.
I leave the floor open for nominations for favorite sandwhiches:
I will nominate the Reuben: a classic combination of contrasting flavors and textures.
I will also ask for definition: Who considers the Hamburger a sandwhich? Does its predominance merit it having its own category or, does the fact that it is meat with toppings between pieces of bread necessitate its inclusion in the estimable family of sandwhiches?
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